I experienced some intense anger issues this
week, It was so bad that I actually had chest pains and lost sleep. It has been so long that I have been triggered
in this way that I was truly at a lost in my life. I wanted to quit my day job,
I wanted to cut people off because I felt I was mistreated and ultimately all
this anger totally ate away at me internally. I became a victim.
After a rough week at work, I laid in bed and I
could not stop thinking. I was so upset that finally at 11pm I said “ I had
enough!” and I got up and started to work on my arts and craft. ( I am a Happy
planner ) I didn’t go to bed til 3am that morning and what I found during this
period was relief. By the end of my
crafting session – all my anger melted away and I had an “ AHA MOMENT”
With every beautiful page I created, I had
an epiphany."What others do to you is a reflection of their karma, what you do in return to them is a reflection of your own karma. Don’t allow someone else’s negativity make you into a negative person yourself. " The joy of doing what I loved, Open my heart and took me out of
victim mode. It made me see things in a different light. When you are angry-
all you see is tunnel vision and you can’t see clearly.
What does Anger really mean?
Anger: Is a survival emotion. We are taught that anger is
frowned upon and we shouldn’t feel it. We are taught to be ashamed of it and
that we shouldn’t show it. But what we aren’t told is that anger is a survival
tool for us. It alerts us when something isn’t right and we need to make a
change. Anger that is well managed is healthy and necessary.
So what
is anger? It is an intense emotional
response. It is triggered by agitation. On a physical level it raises our heart
rate and blood pressure because we must prepare for “ fight or flight.” Most anger stems from fear. It is usually a
learned response and when someone or something over steps its boundaries and
makes us feel violated; we respond with anger. Anger is a sign that something is
wrong and we need to make changes. If we don’t make the changes needed, the
anger continues and it can become destructive. Hence why people have “ anger
issues”
Result of anger:
1.
Anger that is not managed will cause us to have
a lack of trust. We are less likely to see the good in others because we are
always suspicious. We don’t trust people so that makes it hard for us to form
healthy relationships. People who have anger issues are very guarded and don’t
let people in easily.
2.
We become victims. Anger takes away our power if we don’t
address. You become a victim when you start to play the blame game. Blaming others
and shifting blame is a sign that you have unmanaged anger issues. Anger is an
ego response that takes away your own personal power because you fail to see
your own fault in the situation- You can’t see you have a problem because your
too angry and upset with the other person. Anger is usually a sign that something
is wrong with yourself internally. You can’t fix this problem if you continue
to blame others- hence victim mode. You feel attacked.
3.
Creates Unhealthy responses:
a.
Anger that is out of control results in
hostility. If you’ve gotten to this point- you really need to take a time out
and realize that something is seriously wrong.
b.
Anger
that you are unaware of means that you don't know how to manage it. This will result in passive aggressiveness or
withdraw. You don’t know what to do so you pass it off or try to ignore it.
c.
Resentment – you can’t let go. This is very
unhealthy for you because it creates walls and blocks your journey to healing
because you fail to want to find a resolution. Forgiveness is not about letting others walk all over you, it’s about
your need to be free. When you
forgive, you’re not giving the other person a pass on their bad behavior- your
giving yourself a pass on holding on to anger. Remember, What others do to you
is a reflection of their karma, what you do in return to them is a reflection
of your own karma.
How to Manage and
Control Anger in healthy ways
Contrary
to popular belief, anger can be a healthy sign. Anger is a survival tool given to
us to help us navigate life. It arrives to alert us that something is not right and we need to make a healthy change. Everyone gets upset from time to time and that’s OK!
When the anger spirals into something that is hostile, draining and affects you
on a larger scale then yes, something is terribly wrong and needs to be
addressed asap. But with anything, small amounts is healthy. Anger does not blow up overnight. It is
something that happens in stages. Agitation that is not addressed will turn
into a boiling pot and if not controlled, will one day blow up.
1.
You can start addressing anger by paying
attention to your facial expressions. If you notice you tend to frown, or tense
your eyebrows or clench your jaws- this is the first sign that something is not
right. These are things we do without realizing
it. If you find yourself in this situation, check in with yourself- ask yourself,
what is causing the agitation. We tend to try to avoid addressing the agitation
but change anger at its core and address it. Something you don’t like is
upsetting you and you must figure out what it is and why so you can become
aware of it and start making healthy changes.
2.
Negative talk- the victim mentality. Stop
talking about- stop going in circles about it. Anger will get fueled the more
you talk about it. Don’t listen to others negativity as it will also fuel your
own fire. This happened to me at work, I was manipulated by a co-worker and I
was completely unaware of it! When you find yourself wanting to talk about
things that upset you- redirect that energy. Change your heart to a grateful
one and count your blessings. Learn to express your anger in a healthy way. You
can talk about it in a non-hostile manner. Trust me, I have days where I drop
F* Bombs and I know once I say it, I’m done. Its over. I don’t dwell on it.
3.
Passive Aggressive behavior- I like to call this
“ tit for tat” or "pointing fingers" STOP IT. This need to get others or point out others issues is a
bad reflection on you. If you find you
are wanting to get others in trouble, or feel the need to point out their
problems, you must re-direct your energy.
When you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything. Someone who likes to talk with their hands is ok, when they directly point fingers- be aware of this person.
4.
Hostile energy – If you go from zero to 100 in a
matter of seconds, you have anger issues that are not well managed and you are
borderline self-destruction. You need to
take a time out. If you are around people like this, you must step away. Your
energy at this point is poorly managed and the first step towards repairing it
is self-healing. Your hostility is not a
response to what others did to you, it’s a response to your own lack of self-care.
How
do I address my anger Issues today:
I
understand now that my anger issues are a sign that something is wrong, I am
someone who likes to fix things and I’m a problem solver. When something isn’t
right, I first look at myself, “what am I feeling and why” then I address the
issue. I don’t dwell in the frustration anymore, I’ve learned that I perform my
best when I focus on the issue and seek a solution. I’ve learned to address my
anger in healthy ways and as response it’s become an uncomfortable emotion that
now empowers me. I’m very proud of myself now because I’ve come along ways. When I am so upset I can’t find a solution, I focus
on self care.
-I get more sleep, when we are
tired we are crankier. Get some rest and check back in how you feel tomorrow.
-Take a bath – You can make your
own bath bombs to help with this experience. They are super easy to make, and I LOVE how clear my aura is after a good soak.-Attempt to read a good Book : To try to stop the mind chatter, I try to read books.
-Work on my happy planner. When I
do what I love, it totally melts away all my frustration.
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